While I was trying to sort out a giant pile of documents, I found this plastic file containing unfinished fan fictions or so-called junks I wrote during my years in university. Wow, I cant remember I wrote this much! In some spots, pencil marks have gotten a little fading but most of the characters remain readable. I randomly chose some stories for reading pleasure (?).


Guess what I found?


Bad English usage all over the places that I had to cover my eyes while reading! (OK, I was exaggerating about eyes-covering.)


Ten years from now when I look back and read this entry again, will I condemn it the way Im doing my old writings now?


Well, I guess I should be glad I find my old writings suck because it means my English skills have improved somewhat. Yes, never the best. I have an endless way to go with languages.


Rereading old writings brings back the pleasant nostalgic feelings, though. I hate how I wrote but some plots arent bad. Maybe I should recycle them, hehehe.

Rereading my own writings, fresh from a stove, for revision purpose for the nth time can sometimes drain my willpower as it reminds me over and again how those little fictions suck. Yeah, Im a coward whos a little scared to admit the limitation of my ability. I am kinda entertained reading them after some time has passed in case they do not suck royally but dont make me reread the Mary Sue-ish scribbling I wrote during my junior high school as Ill always feel the drive to bang my head against the wall when that happens.

Speed writing is damn tiring. I always envy people who can do it and awesomely so. I can do it occasionally when inspiration is burning in my chest but most of the time the level of my brains processing matches the speed of turtles. Stable and gradual steps allow me to carefully fit pieces to the whole picture and its a nice feeling to mold this point a tad bit and adjust that point a little more for betterment (that kinda reminds me of my favorite character but sadly Im not a genius like him). Im not one for rushing but the problem is without deadlines, I dont finish many things as I tend to prolong them to reach the state that is as closest to perfection within my ability as possible. Even for those writings that were finished for some years, when I reread them, I always find some points to revise even if it means adding or erasing one word. Im never completely satisfied with my works. Whenever I dont believe Im in a condition to effectively do the works and the mood doesnt strike, some pieces of writings may sit in my folders unfinished for years without deadlines like two of my original fictions are doing. The reminder to myself Theyre my stuffs anyway surely doesnt help.

Pressure isnt love but I must admit its necessary sometimes.

Back to work, back to work.